An old and deep tie
Some sisters are deeply estranged in ways hard to untangle. But many sisters share secrets they'd never tell anyone else. Some are deeply bonded in ways that are hard to explain. My sister and me are like that, deeply bonded, sharing all the secrets.

We both grew up together. Our parents were great; they taught us to love each other, never desert each other or quarrel. We always had to help each other, to take care of each other. And after our mother’s death our Granny still kept teaching us to love each other even more than before.
As a child, I remember knowing that my sister was a special person in my life. I realized I loved her as much if not more than I loved my parents. But I wondered how to deal with the swift changes in our relationship. One minute my sister would be all lovey-dovey and hugging me, and then the next minute she would think I was the most annoying person in the world, and she would hit me. But as I see it now that’s quite natural, such things often happen with children.
For us, our relationship is one of the longest, deepest ones in our lives. We have warm memories of growing up together, playing dress-up and having pillow fights. As adults, we are best friends and confidantes. My sister and me permit each other an honesty that we won't allow anyone else. We know for sure my sister is someone who will tell me the truth when I ask questions. She wants the best for me. And we can take that honesty when it's given with love.
We always feel it was a gift to be given a sister who brings so much joy and pleasure to our lives. We have always felt ”blessed” to have a close sister.

Sisterly love a complex knot

But many women don't have this picture-perfect connection. Instead the relationship may be fraught with envy and ambivalence. They love their sister, but there are things that drive them crazy about her.
Envy and admiration are closely linked, and sisters vacillate all their lives between one and another. Though you never find a sister who is not interested in what her sister is doing. Partly because they want to be proud of it; partly because it maybe was threatening.
I know that some sisters compare looks. Some women say their sisters affect their feelings about their bodies. The most common thing women say with regard to body image is that they couldn't stop comparing themselves to their sister. Weight is a major issue as well. The whole idea of who is heavier or thinner is always there. My sister and me are different: in looks, in weight, in abilities. But we have never compared to each other, just loved, accepting each other for who we are.

Psychologists say both boys and girls experience sibling trauma. But with sisters, the fear of losing their parents' love to another person creates a sister knot, a confusing and powerful mix of love and envy. This envy is the fear that someone else's charms, qualities and achievements are going to vacuum up all the love, admiration and attention and leave you with nothing. It's a very primitive terror of being displaced.

Many women measure their relationship with a mental picture of an ideal one and find their own sadly lacking.
But not every relationship can be smooth. How many men are chewing their nails because they don't get along with their brother? They just say: We don't get along. Period.

SISTERS' SENTIMENTS

Here are common sentiments that some women use to describe their relationship with their sisters -- words that other women wish they, too, could use

• She's always there for me.
• She really understands me.
• She supports everything I do.
• She's like another mother to my children.
• She's sincerely interested.
• She's so much fun.
• She makes me feel good about myself.
• I trust her with what's important to me.